Changes

"She's weird, but we're working on changing that."  It surprised me to hear those words come out of her mouth.  She's old enough to be my mother, and my mother knows you can't change people.  If they're weird, they're weird, and you'd be better off accepting that.

And she's not that weird, either, this girl.  Quirky, yes.  Eclectic tastes, very probably.  But weird?

Not remotely.

But I didn't say anything.  After all, what are the odds of changing the old lady?

Slim to none, I'd say.

And I'd be pretty weird if I couldn't see that.

Cool Rain

It's a cool, rainy day at work today.  That means there aren't many guests - I've seen fewer than 20 people and it is 2:30.

But it also means time for pleasant chats with co-workers and tea by the wood stove and "ginger snaps" that turned out more like molasses cookies.

So all in all, I don't mind the weather.

Love

Someone asked me today, "What does love feel like?"

I didn't know how to answer.  How do you answer that?  What does love feel like?

I'm getting married in four months.  In four months from this exact moment, I will be married.  This morning I said love felt different at different times: giddy and light and floating some days, grounded and connected and safe others.

I wanted to say it was also wonderful knowing that you might fight but you were still rock solid as a couple, that you'd still have each other's backs.  I didn't say that but I thought it.

I just had my first wedding planning meltdown.  I probably should have included the fighting thing in my description of what love feels like.

Because based on that meltdown, we're fricken head over heels.

Connection

Sometimes I feel like I can't connect to people.  How does everyone do it?  How do other people forge relationships out of common interests and well matched personalities?

I seem to do fine in the moment but when the moment is over I'm left wondering what to do next.  My friendships are with people that I've either spent a significant amount of vulnerable time with, or with people who pursue a relationship with me.  It never occurs to me to pursue relationships with other people.

And that is the crux of the issue.  Am I defective for not seeking out relationships?  Does that signify a lack of social skills or awareness?  Am I less of a woman for not making friends quickly and easily?

It's not that I don't like people, or that they don't like me.

****

That is what I started writing yesterday.

But yesterday evening I connected with someone in what felt like a genuine, meaningful, and sincere way.  So maybe I was just having a melancholy moment.

I guess we'll see if I maintain the connection after the show is over.

Earache

I have avoided going to the doctor two weekends in a row, for a damn earache.  I feel like I'm five - what adult gets ear infections every two months?

I do, apparently.

Sigh.  I'm sure if I just adjusted my diet they'd stop.  Perhaps once my evenings are my own again I'll put in the time to focus on what I'm eating that's causing this pain.

After I go to the doctor and get cured, that is.

Scratches

I meant to get a screen protector for my iPhone. Honest, I did. But I never got around to it and now there are two scratches (and many little marks of wear) on this poor piece of tech.

Sorry, iPhone. It's okay though. I still like you.

Clothes Horse

I kinda want this costume in my closet.

At least the skirt.

Also, I wish my ankles took to heels with less trouble. It's been half an hour - and only ten minutes of that standing, at most - and they twinge most piteously.

Sigh.

Waiting

Waiting for office machinery to decide it is ready to work is SO BORING.

In other news, I'm picking up my wedding dress tomorrow. I guess that means I have to stop procrastinating on printing those wedding invitations.