Wednesday, April 30, 2014


I love hearing the racing heartbeat that is pounding in counterpoint to mine right now.  It shifted gears while we listened, starting slow and then speeding up as Baby "got excited", as the midwife put it.  I wonder if it could hear the heartbeat outside my body, or if my heart sped up when I heard the confirmation of the squirming little life inside me?

I was also glad to hear that I'm growing nicely, a good size for where this little one is at.

In related news, I really hope that nesting is a real thing, because I currently have no motivation to go and clean that spare room, or our room, and both of them really need it before Baby arrives.

Friday, April 18, 2014


Some days I dream ridiculous. What would it be like if I could do magic? Shape shift? See the future?

Other days I dream big. What I'd do with a house of my own, if I won the lottery, if I got a sudden promotion.

Other days I'd settle for being able to poop.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Expansion Program

So, I'm pregnant.

Or, as a co-worker put it, I'm on an expansion program.

I'm really enjoying being pregnant, which doesn't really surprise me so much as thrill me, because I know not everyone does enjoy it. Even when I was miserable, nauseated, exhausted - I can't say I enjoyed that but I didn't begrudge it.

Though the first day I didn't fit my pants was an unpleasant feeling.

I have been the same size for, gosh, I don't even know how many years. I've never struggled with my weight, never had to diet or work out (which actually means I'm a slender but not terribly fit person)...and even though I knew pregnancy came with a shift in size, it was still a bit of a surprise. An adjustment, both physically and mentally - and much more of a mental one.

I had a few days where I just felt fat. I wasn't really showing yet, but didn't feel comfortable in my clothes. It was disconcerting. I felt guilty about feeling fat, like I was blaming Baby when I was actually very happy to have Baby. Even being happy about it, I had to realize it was okay to feel weird about giving up my body for a while.

Now that I'm really showing though, and in maternity pants (I'm sure the comfort has something to do with it!) I'm no longer bothered by my bigger self. It still surprises me. Last night, watching a movie, I stretched and touched my stomach and looked down in surprise at the extra-ness of it. But it doesn't bother me.

I'm glad I can enjoy the journey of expansion along with my little one.

After all, isn't that what life is all about?