Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Choices, Always Choices

I hate change. I like having security - a steady job, a steady (if small) paycheque, a steady path layed out in front of the grave...

If I am honest with myself I know that the steady path also bores me. The thought of spending my life that way fills me with a greater fear - that I will die unfulfilled because I chose to. Because I chose the easy, safe path.


I hate having to make choices where there is no right answer. Why can't God actually give me direction instead of free will and the ability to choose what I will do?

He drives me nuts.

I'm not sure I'd have it any other way. Difficult human that I am, I would rebel against any path set in front of me unless I set it there myself.

Well, fuck.

Back to square one, and somewhere, God is laughing at me. I know it.


Hope said...

I think God gives direction and free will. It's not one or the other but both/and. Both direction and free will.

Pru said...

It's true. I just like to throw tantrums about life when it isn't as easy as I want it to be.