I'm not sure what I want.
I spend a lot of time not knowing what I want and not knowing where I want my life to go. At least I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want and I don't have many concrete answers.
Does anyone have something that they know they are willing to sacrifice for? Am I searching for something that doesn't exist or am I just going through a phase incited by poverty of body, mind and soul?
There are a few things I know I will do anything to keep...but that doesn't tell me where to go from here or which of the paths in front of me I need to take now.
Is this real life? Is this what it's going to be forever - not knowing which path to take next?
If so, it's going to be one hell of a frustrating ride.
That makes it sound all bad when it definitely isn't. Life is a great thing. I'm just not as settled into it as I thought I would be by now. Maybe it's me - I don't think I've ever been settled into life. It feels like I dip into it from time to time and spend the majority of life skimming along the top watching those on the inside. I don't know how to get in and I don't know if that's what I want anyway, but I also don't know what to do with my skimming. What is the purpose of being this way?
That's what frustrates me and if I don't find an answer I may well just go crazy.
1 comment:
it's interesting, because i've just been forced to give up my job for what i believe in ... sticking to my guns about certain issues has been hard, and certain individuals and committees completely missed 'it" ....
and perhaps it will always be that way .... u search and struggle and others are on their path and when they collide, there are times when all hell breaks loose .... and there are casualties ....
mmmmm .... sometimes the path is laid out by default .... or a path is just closed for for u ....
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