Connection

Sometimes I feel like I can't connect to people.  How does everyone do it?  How do other people forge relationships out of common interests and well matched personalities?

I seem to do fine in the moment but when the moment is over I'm left wondering what to do next.  My friendships are with people that I've either spent a significant amount of vulnerable time with, or with people who pursue a relationship with me.  It never occurs to me to pursue relationships with other people.

And that is the crux of the issue.  Am I defective for not seeking out relationships?  Does that signify a lack of social skills or awareness?  Am I less of a woman for not making friends quickly and easily?

It's not that I don't like people, or that they don't like me.

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That is what I started writing yesterday.

But yesterday evening I connected with someone in what felt like a genuine, meaningful, and sincere way.  So maybe I was just having a melancholy moment.

I guess we'll see if I maintain the connection after the show is over.