Monday, March 20, 2006

I'm too young to have grey hair

I have just recently learned that my brother is planning on moving in with his girlfriend's family.
My other brother is looking for a place to move into with his girlfriend.
My parents sound like they are visably aging when I speak to them over the phone.

How can three children hear the same message from the same people and interpret it so differently in their lives?

I was always given the clear impression that premarital sex wasn't a good idea because it wasn't a part of God's plan and sex is too important to engage in casually. Perhaps my parents made that abundantly clear to me, perhaps it simply hit closer to home because the consequence of pregnancy is more real to me than it is to my brothers, understandably. They don't have a monthly reminder of what the human body is built to do.

You know what? While I don't think that sleeping together is a good thing for them to be doing, that isn't what actually bothers me about this whole shenanigan. 2, looking for a place to set up house with his girlfriend...I can actually get excited for him. For them. It's strange to think of him as a 'them' but it's still a big step in his life, scary and exciting. But 3...why on earth does he want to move in with his girlfriend's family? They are so chaotic, and unhealthy...and I know he heard all those things from my parents when he started dating her. I know he doesn't want to hear that anymore. But dammit, that house is not a good place. I can't see how it will be a good thing for him to live there. At least, when he lived with my parents, he could get away from his beloved when she got on his nerves. He could distance himself from her sister when she annoyed him (which is more likely). He didn't have to be a part of their every crisis.

I wish he would listen to my parents advice this time. I wish he would stay at home - or if he has to move away (which I could understand if that's what this is all about) I wish he'd move somewhere alone where he could batch it for a while.

If he has to make a decision and learn from it, I hope it doesn't hurt too badly.

And who knows...maybe it will be a good thing for him.

Like Monday was a good thing for me.

I wish I knew what my role in this is. I am the sister. What am I supposed to do? Tell him what I think and back off? Keep my thoughts to myself? Try to change his mind? Love him, yes. But how? What does that look like?

Sometimes I wish my parents had better sibling relationships for me to follow.

I guess I can be ready with a hug, whatever happens. A hug and love.

And a housewarming present.


Andrew Simone said...

I affirm your conclusion. The housewarming present is key.

Pru said...

But what do I give him?

Andrew Simone said...

Well, considering when you posted this, it may be too late, but I would give him something that he would not buy himself, something which will dress the new place up. It hard to give more particular advice than that considering I don't know him.